Why Victor Loves Trans Women

Why Victor Loves Trans Women

Actress and transgender activist Laverne Cox made the cover of Time in 2014. Victor said she is the type of trans woman he loves.
Actress and transgender activist Laverne Cox made the cover of Time in 2014. Victor said she is the type of trans woman he loves.

New Year’s Eve was a blast.

“Van” and I went Baltimore gay bar hopping, bringing the New Year in at The Drinkery, taking in some House Music at Ziaskos Bar & Lounge, meeting up with buddy “Teddy” outside Club Bunns, and wrapping up the night at the Gallery Bar and Restaurant.

Everyone smiling, wishing strangers a Happy New Year, and wearing party hats and tooting horns.

At the Gallery Teddy introduced us to his friend “Victor,” a tall, light-skinned, 40-something black man who is a dead ringer of Blake Griffin of the L.A. Clippers.

I was a tipsy from two glasses of white wine, a glass of champagne and a spicy clove cigarette. So I was a bit more forward than I usually am.

“Victor, you are handsome guy. Are you single?”

“Yep, I sure am but looking.”

“Well, what are you looking for?”

“Well, I like women…and women with a little something extra.”

I sobered up a bit. We were in a gay bar and I had seen Victor before in other gay bars. What did he mean by he was looking for a woman? He was in the wrong place.

Then it hit me. Ohhh. Wow I can be dense sometimes. By women with a little extra Victor meant transgendered.

“You like transgendered women,” I asked.

“Yeah,” Victor said, smiling sheepishly.

Baltimore has plenty of people who are transgendered. I see them in clubs. On the streets. But I never really talked to one.

Often I notice they are in the company of handsome, very masculine men. But I had never had an opportunity to talk to a man who was open about his attraction to a transgendered person.

I wasn’t going to pass up this chance to talk to one. Victor went over to the buffet table and brought back a plate full of fried chicken wings to share. I took one and started asking questions.

The first: what attracted him to trans women?

Victor explained that he liked very feminine transgendered women who are passable.

What intrigued him about them is that  a transgendered person was like having the best of both worlds — a best male buddy and girlfriend all rolled into one.

“So, I have to ask. Do they do you or are you doing them?”

“Immanuel, I’m a total top. I fuck them.”

“So your ideal transgendered woman is somebody like Laverne Cox from Orange is the New Black?”

“Oh yeah, she is beautiful,” Victor said. “I like the ones who dress like women all the time. Not some deep-voiced guy who likes to do drag from time to time.”

Teddy later told me he had once dated a guy who was a drag queen and was into drag pageants. Teddy prefers more masculine men and broke up when this man began dressing more as a woman in everyday life.

But during the time Teddy dated him Victor would hang out with them and use that connection to meet transgendered women.

“I think all his talk about preferring women and transgendered girls is bull,” Teddy said. “I think he is really gay and likes men but won’t own up to it. By dating women and transgendered women he can hide that.”

Victor did admit he never took transgendered people around his mother or family — only women he dated who were biologically female.

Trans author and activist Janet Mock. Photo courtesy of Facebook.
Trans author and activist Janet Mock. Photo courtesy of Facebook.

However, there are men in the gay community who prefer transgendered people, although their voice in the gay rights movement is silent. Author and transgender activist Janet Mock even wrote this article about how society shames men attracted to trans women.

This societal attitude has devastating effects on trans women. Mock explained:

This pervasive ideology says that trans women are shameful, that trans women are not worthy of being seen and that trans women must remain a secret — invisible and disposable. If a man dares to be seen with a trans woman, he will likely lose social capital so he must adamantly deny, vehemently demean, trash and/or exterminate the woman in question.

So I think Teddy was wrong. Victor knew what he liked and was not afraid to tell that to a stranger in a bar in the opening hours of the first day of 2015.

“Hey, I wish you luck with dating this year,” I told Victor. “You seem to know what you want. And if I meet a transgendered woman who I think you might like I will introduce you. I think you are a cool dude.”

Victor smiled. “Thanks man.”



  1. Damonjay

    I have a good friend that is Transgender. She says that the guys that she meet…want to be fucked and she will not do that. And I have known some ‘drag queens’.
    Back in the day, the drag queens would frequent the straight bars, pull ‘straight’ trade out of the bars, take them home, pull up their dress and fuck the hell out of the ‘straight’ men. Some of them were packing a pistol.

    1. Damonjay I believe you. From what I have heard many Transgender women top the guys they are with. Want to see some examples? Visit Word is out she will be doing a scene with “straight” porn actor Brian Pumper. I wonder whether she will top him.

  2. A Day In The Life

    Hi Immanuel – longtime reader/fan here. I felt compelled to ask….did you recently change the design/layout of this blog – or was it something that was automatically done by WordPress? I came here a few days ago and was greeted by the change – i.e. bright yellow colors (where there were none before), different font, and just an overall different “feel”. I noticed that no one else has commented on the change (including yourself – as far as I can see)…so is this something that is just showing up on my computer?

    1. Happy New Year! Yes I changed the theme, put up an archives on the right hand side to make it easier to read old posts, and made the site more mobile friendly. It seems to he working. The blog had a record number of views in the past two days. I wanted the blog to have a brighter more optimistic look.

  3. gimmewhatugot

    Reading your other post about things we need to leave behind in 2014. I think maybe we need to leave behind sexual labels like gay str8 bi etc or make it just str8 and other because this trans thing confuses me. I was just reading an article about Janet Mock in which she referred to herself and her soon 2 be husband as a hetero couple. I’m confused because they technically don’t count as a hetero couple but at the same time kinda sorta do. I can get men saying they’re str8 if they fuck a trans woman who has had a sex change but how can one be str8 when your sucking her dick and getting fucked in the ass by her? I also heard that many trans women keep there penises.

    1. Gimmewhatugot you are probably right. Sexuality is fluid. You can be into one thing one year and something else the next. What really gets me are so-called straight men who like their women to strap in and fuck them. Are they bisexual? Are you really gay if you crave penetration? I think in a century, unless the Islamic or Christian right takes over America, people will be reading about our sex labels and laughing.

      1. Yeah, I guess he is pretty famous. He’s not really my type though, I like em a little more otter-ish. There’s a couple FTMs on scruff that I pine for but they always ignore me *sob* I will say that cis guys (i.e. non-transgendered) are much sluttier than FTMs seem to be!

  4. Terry

    This is the truth. I use to be much more feminine when I was younger and often mistaken for a woman. I was would meet many very masculine men who were well built and very attracted to me. I believe the reason that so many gay men have problems with many transsexuals is because they can pull men who simply aren’t interested in us. We can’t compete with them and many of us mistakenly see ourselves as better than them.

  5. Devin

    I’ve been reading for a while now, really enjoying the blog. A little back information. I’m 26 guess I can be considered Bi. I love women and everything about them ,but dam I love me a sexy ass transgendered women. I used to stroll the infamous meat rack area at a early age round 17. I used to go real heavy when I was younger but not so much now. I’ve only paid for sex there twice but I’ve had my Fair share of free hookups. I’m still hiv std free too(I won’t Fuck anything). But in these ten years I’ve learned what I like and don’t like. I can hold conversations with gay men on a friend level but I don’t find them attractive. I like them sweet soft and more feminine than women. I’ve dealt with some of the best looking transgender women in Baltimore and I found one that I really like but it seems like all of them sell their ass. I’m not knocking how ppl make their money but that’s prostitution and I ain’t with it. The men seem so aggressive on social networks and lately I’ve been noticing dude’s on the street eyeing me up and down. I be like dam do these Niggas know I’m packing over here and do they know I’m attracted to trannies? I crack myself up but I’m thinking about doing this myself so I can get my stories out there. My girl even found out and we’re still together but that’s another story.

    1. Devin writing to me is a form of therapy. It helps me process. I love the beauty of words. By all means write. It takes a few minutes to create a WordPress blog. You seem to be a man who knows what he wants but is still working through it. Good luck to you and nothing but the best.

  6. SpeakingTheTruth

    I totally think guys genuinely like transgender. I can have sex with a woman that pass as a man but not a man who pass as a woman. If men had pussies I would be pussy crazy. It’s the man I’m attracted to more then their dicks. It’s because men have dicks that I like dicks. But I like the masulinity of a man and the swag of a man. I would def fuck the shit out of a chick who passes as a masuline man. I look at porn a lot and females who pass as men turns me the fuck on.

    So many masuline men and street men in Philly are now into pretty fem guys and tranny’s. I met a guy who like fem guys and trannies and he said the same thing that it’s the best of both worlds. I think social media and the internet is why so many guys are shying away from being with other masuline guys. The pictures some of these pretty fem guys and trannies take be off the fucking hook. They really be looking good as fuck and that’s what people are looking for now. Not like it was at all when I first started messing around totally different. Fem guys barely got play back then. Shit had really changed.

  7. The Black Trans Nudist

    Thank you for standing up for the Transgender Community. As a transperson myself I’ve met countless guys who will date me but treat me as If I’m a dirty little secret. NO SIR not here. Thank you so much

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