Has Technology Caused Gay Men to Lose the Art of Mingling?

Has Technology Caused Gay Men to Lose the Art of Mingling?


A couple of weeks ago I hosted a card and games party at my place in Baltimore. Just something to bring friends together after the holiday bustle died down and have some fun on a long winter’s night.

A mix of about 15 to 20 guys. From their late 20s to late 50s. Short, tall, built and not so built.

One of the guys I invited was a muscular, brown-skinned, masculine bottom named “Daniel.” Daniel has the body of Adonis and an outrageous booty. How do I know? I’ve sampled it myself but for the past few years I have kept it on the friendship tip because he has a great physique but not much of a personality beyond that.

Some of the guys went to my TV room upstairs to watch the NFL playoffs. And Daniel followed them up.

But wouldn’t you know all he did was pull out his cellphone and start trolling Jack’d and Adam4Adam, completely forgetting guys that were around him.

Another buddy of mine “Byron” came downstairs walked over to me.

“That guy upstairs is really rude. He is barely talking at all and had the nerve to be on a hookup app. I have Jack’d on my phone too and wouldn’t you know he hit me up and asked was I at the party. I didn’t answer because that’s weird.”

“Wow, and all these guys in here why would he have to do that?” I asked Byron.

I walked up to Daniel and invited him to play a game of Spades, or perhaps join us in Dominoes or a round of Taboo.

“I’m not very good at cards man,” he said.

“Are you shy?”

“Yeah, a little.”


But yet he could go online and troll for sex. Has technology — our smartphones and tablets and hookup apps and websites — taken away our skills and meeting men in real life? Older gay men I know say they miss the days when guys mingled in real-life bars and discos or had to go to bookstores to get hookups.

Technology has reduced us to just a dick or a piece of ass, they say.

Daniel really missed out — he likely went home without getting one number. Yet three couples met at my party and went on subsequent dates to the movies, breakfast dinner and yes some sex too. And they didn’t need an app to do it.


  1. worst_1_yet

    Sounds like you knew he was lacking for something in the “social skills” department. Some guys are just freaks. Thing I hate about the online shit is guys just think having a personality (or lack of one) is no big deal. Like they just come in, yank down their drawers and show that ass. I’m like huh? Have a fucking conversation for 5 minutes. My dick is not a dildo. You got to get that shit hard. Be charming, or funny, or stupid. But be something.

  2. Don’t even get me going about online cruising…

    I think Conversation is a dead art, these days. I have friends who can text all day long, but can’t hold a 5-minute conversation over the phone. I prefer face-to-face, or at the very least, talking on the phone. Whatever happened to talking on the phone w/your boo until 5am?
    What I hate is having to force a nigga to talk to you. They just wanna hook up, and God-forbid have some pillow-talk afterwards.

  3. Fortune Knowles

    Indeed, it is very rude to be at a party with lots of new people around and all you can do is fiddle with your phone, like really??? Why then did you bother to leave your house???
    Truly, that is an issue that I make a conscious decision to avoid when I have company. It really does come off as snobbish as in you cannot be bothered to engage.

    1. Fortune I talked to Daniel this week and told him his actions were rude. He explained he is extremely shy and said he would appreciate it if I taught him how to play cards. I said I would but couldn’t help thinking if he had approached a guy at the party and said “I don’t know how to play Spades but I would love to get personal lessons from you” that would have been a great pickup line and way to meet a fella.

  4. Fortune Knowles

    Indeed, dude! Is that not the essence of accepting a party invite so that it allows you to emerge from your “shell” and interact?
    In any event, what does one have to lose, one only dies once, you know!

  5. SpeakingTruth

    I am 35 now so i can truely remember before social media. And i miss those days too. People have no personalities at all. And people are so scared to get turned down. More people get turned down online then in person because in person u can really get the essence of a person. U can really pull somebody in. All u get is a image online. Smh. Technology is great but it has ruined alot and have brought people self esteams wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy down..



  6. Cal

    What I like about this post is Immanuel’s ole school approach to things. You use your social butterfly skills to bring the best of both worlds together (the sex pots & the card players), but in different settings.

    I can appreciate both interactions in different capacities :O)

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