Friction in Paradise

Friction in Paradise

View of Condado Lagoon from our hotel room in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

The Memorial Day vacation to sunny Puerto Rico did not start off on a good note.

Morgan and I had busy weeks at work, trying to get things in order before leaving, and there was a mad scramble on Friday night to pack, hang out with my daughter for a few, and get to the airport at by 5 a.m. Saturday to catch the flight. So we weren’t exactly relaxed when we arrived in San Juan around noon.

Plus, Morgan wanted to use the vacation to sit down and talk about what was right with the relationship and what needed work. Having a Dr. Phil session can put a serious damper on vacation, no matter if you have a view of Condado Lagoon from your balcony.

“I’ve noticed you have been a bit stressed and overwhelmed lately, considering what is going on with your son,” he said. “I think you really need this vacation to relax and for us to talk.”

Then he listed habits I had that were driving him crazy. Like complaining about my ex, not locking doors, not covering food in the refrigerator, leaving kitchen cabinet doors open, loading the dishwasher the wrong way, and changing subjects so frequently during conversations he had a hard time keeping up with the fragmented pace(shit, I’m a Gemini. We talk a mile a minute. If you can’t follow that’s your problem).

The beach at Condado.

Morgan did have some valid points. But I had some beefs, too.

Morgan can be holier-than-thou at times, which can be irritating. He loves to eat out but dining with him can be torture because he can take forever to make a selection, asks the waiters lots of questions, and can be Mr. Food Critic.

“You know the pork chops at the restaurant are too dry and I’m not feeling this mafongo dish,” he said after we ate at one place. “But this is the best flan I have ever had.”

And that isn’t all.

“I do most of the cleaning and the laundry and you seem unappreciative,” I said.

“Remember, you volunteered to do the clothes because you think you do a better job,” Morgan responded. “And we share the cooking and I do all of the grocery shopping because you told me you hate grocery shopping.”

“True, but you are the one with the Costco card,” I shot back.

“And you know we could have sex more often…you know I have a strong libido.”

“Well when you get all bitchy and sarcastic acting that turns me off sexually,” Morgan said.

Ouch. Damn. I know I’m gay but shit, did negro have to say I was bitchy?

I went in the bathroom to get away. I just sat on the toilet thinking. Damn, relationships are hard whether you are gay, straight or cross-eyed. You have to work on these motherfuckers. And Morgan and I are like the Odd Couple — I’m Oscar and he’s Felix.

Was I ready for the long haul with Morgan? Could putting the dishes in the dishwasher with the dirty side facing away from the water jet make or break us?

I prayed a little, took a deep breathe, and walked back out. Morgan’s lanky ass was laying across the bed, puttering away on his latest toy, an iPad. We had only been in Puerto Rico a day but his creamy skin was already tanning up beautifully.

“Morgan, are you sure you want to continue this relationship?,” I asked. “Maybe you need to find somebody more to your liking. I will be alright. I was taking care of myself before I met you and can do it again.”

Later, Morgan walked up to me and told me why he loves me. He said I am articulate, smart, handsome and support my family, things he admires. And his life with me is better, despite some of the craziness I bring.

Despite the soothing words I was still tense. But we decided to call a truce, try to change our behavior in some places to make each other happier, and enjoy our vacation.

And you know the next day things got a little better.


  1. worst_1_yet

    Yeah, man. Shit is hard. Me and my guy love each other, but we are the type of couple who gives the other one space to be the man we each were before we got together. Shit, we don’t even live together, yet, after 7 years. He was married when I met him. When we hang out, he likes to glue his ass to my couch with the remote and a cold drink. That man works hard, and I respect that. Do I want to get out and about a bit more? Yep, but if I do and he wants to chill and watch the NBA then I head out for a bit. I cook, he cleans, that’s our deal when we are together. As Chris Rock said, A man needs 3 Fs. Feed me, fuck me, and forget about me for a while. Wise words. You two sound like a good match, so I hope it works out.

    About the dishwasher. I hate those fucking things. Why would you put the dirty side away from the water jets? I wash the shit in the sink, even though that is technically T’s job. 😀


  2. aaawwwww <3 sometimes Relationships (whether friends, family, or significant others) are all about maintenance. Meeting one another half way and compromising, if only for the sake of peace.

    When you find someone willing to put up with you (and vice versa) its definitely worth working at. Especially if, despite the BS, ya'll are progressing into a stronger bond.

    That's what I'm learning at least.


  3. Musique's Poetry

    That just gave me hope. I’ve learned that sometimes relationships go through their rough patches. Especially in gay relationships. However, I do believe there is hope when you sit down and talk. It does take two. In relationship you’ve got to compromise and sacrifice at times. That’s true love. I’m glad that you all worked it out.

  4. Wow man. This really puts my situation into perspective. I feel like if/when it gets tough I need to run. Sometimes I think more logically and leave my heart out of it….however, there needs to be more of a balance. Seeing someone else working through it gives me more confidence in my own situation.

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