Five Years Later…

Five Years Later…

Fall leaves in Hampden, one of my favorite neighborhoods in Baltimore. Photo courtesy of
Fall leaves in Hampden, one of my favorite neighborhoods in Baltimore. Photo courtesy of

Wow, I launched this blog five years ago. I hadn’t even thought about it but Fall is here and the cool air, shorter days and leaves beginning to turn gold, and brown, and orange and red make me feel nostalgic and introspective.

What a journey. From married and straight to gay with a partner.

Do I have regrets? Yes. I wish I had more time with my kids. I’m sorry I hurt my ex wife. But things are on the mend. I went to a function a week ago, the birthday of a dear family friend who has supported me in this journey, and my son and daughter were there with me. My daughter and I are cool but my son and I are still a estranged.

That day we were cordial. I walked over to the gaggle of young folks and told my son I was proud of him for finishing trade school and getting a job. He smiled and let me take photos of him and his sister together. I will treasure those photos forever. I’m putting a framed copy on my desk at work.

I feel more hopeful. Time does heal all things. Just be patient. Don’t let funky situations with people or jobs or bills stress you out. Trust in God and go to him with your problems and everything will work out in the way it is supposed to..

Wow, I read back parts of blog. You can tell I like sex, eh? I still do and I’m glad I’m hanging “Van,” a guy who shares my joie de vivre.

He is Aries with Aquarius rising. I am Gemini with Aries rising. We are both a mixture of fire sign and air sign. Air makes fires brighter and hotter. So I hope we can do that for each other. It’s been more than a year and a half and we haven’t killed each other yet.

In five years I have visited my first gay bar. Had numerous fuck-buddies, my first serious crush on a dude (remember Oliver? What was I thinking?), and my first serious relationship with Morgan that failed because ultimately openness and honesty were not there.

What’s ahead? I was recently promoted at work and I’m enjoying the new challenge. I’m enjoying my little row house in the ‘hood in Baltimore. I have a lot of work ahead to get it together. I’m trying to pay off bills because I probably have 10 more years of active work life and I don’t want to be a broke old faggot.

Van and I are talking about joining households. We are trying to work out the details of that. What furniture will go where. Who has a better dining room set. My Mom wants to meet him and his Mom wants to meet me so hopefully around the Holidays that will happen.

Readers, thanks for being on this journey with me. Your comments have encouraged me and me laugh, and smile and sometimes made my eyes wet with emotion.

I want to send a special shout out to Raw Leather Daddy, Luckey Star,Trapped Driven, Cogito, Jamari Fox, Damonjay, Fortune Knowles, Derek Perry, The Blog Artist formerly known as…, Tinsel, Worst_1_Yet, Kahicks, Cool Top, Martin, sc8709, Roger Poladapoulous, Prince, Musique’s Poetry, Rob, Iam Thegayte-keeper, the list goes on and on please forgive me if I missed you.

Some of you guys I have met and hung with, others I have talked with on the phone and yet others I only correspond with through this blog. But know I love you and hope you continue to share a part of this journey with me.

God Bless, Immanuel


  1. Damonjay

    Brother, you have been a blessing to us all. You have entertained us with your sexcapades, your wisdom, and you have shared your world with us. I am praying for you and your son. Food for Thought: The only person who is going to give you security and the life you want…… YOU!!

    1. Rick

      Damonjay…the line you write “The only person who is going to give you the security and the life you want is YOU!!!” That is sooo true. Lovers come and lovers go. As grown up we are responsible for our own happiness and FUTURES, ultimately.
      More black men “in the life” need to realize this. The sooner , the better.

  2. Tinsel

    Immanuel…you’re not going to make my eyes go wet with tears today, but please someone pass me the tissue box quickly!!
    I remember years ago when I stumbled on your blog. I found it so interesting especially because it was mainly about 2 gay men in a relationship! Initially, I wasn’t sure if it was fiction or reality, but I kept ghost-reading your blog always, which I book-marked on my laptop secretly. Then, after a year or so, I began to comment…and even subscribed!
    I was sad when your previous relationship didn’t workout…sad about your estranged family relationships…mad about your open relationship…intrigued about your juicy escapades…but all in all, I marveled at your openess, strength and zest for life!!
    March on Soldier Boy!! Congratulations on your 5th!!

  3. Fortune Knowles

    Oh My Goodness, Immanuel, you remembered me!! Awww…. I am soo chuffed that I rank enough to be worthy of mention. You absolutely haven’t the foggiest as to how much this means to me!

    I thank Heaven that I stumbled across your blog when I did because it has added to my life such a rich panoply of experiences that I cannot even count.

    It gives me release to live through your very exciting life and pray that God grants your heart’s desires especially as relates your family. Someone wise once told me that “Family is where our stories begin” so I hope you reconcile with your son.
    All the best as you enter into your 6th year and please keep writing.
    Thank you for all the joy you have brought to my closeted existence!!
    Your Kenyan brother,

  4. LM

    There are many blogs out there but I must say that yours is one of the more unique and introspective. And though there is still some friction between you and your son, I believe that the power of love will prevail. So often you hear about kids being forsaken by their parents because of their sexual orientation, and not the other way around. But, it doesn’t seem that way with you and your son, because you were all together, and I am sure he wants and especially needs you in his life just as much as you do him. Now, you definitely need to go ahead and start putting your name out there as the next great writer on the New York Times Bestsellers list. I am on record as saying that I would be an ardent supporter. 🙂

  5. Okay…I’m not sure where this comment is going to take me, so bare with me for a minute. On one hand I’m not about blowing niggas head up, you know except in a sexual way; and I mean that. If you are fine, from me you will hear you are alright. If you got a big dick…it’s cute; I have seen bigger and better though. Some may think, that this is petty, but I call it keeping you grounded. However on another hand, it is like your blogiversary, so I should be, like…nice, right?
    What to do? What to do? What to do?

    So I am honored to be included in your shout out…although you didn’t say my full name. I’m assuming you are talking about me. I’m going to go out on a limb and say you are talking about me; since you said the first 6 words…i mean you went that far, you could have wrote like 5 more letters, but I’m getting off subject. Once again thanks for the shout out; considering I have not been here for the whole journey. Let’s keep it real for a moment, I have jumped on and off, at various train stops on your journey. Not because of anything you have said or anything on your blog, but because of just life and because there was a period of time, where I just wasn’t reading much in the blog world. However the last year, I have been consistent rider on your journey. You are one of the few blogs I still read, because you are still here. Most of them have stopped blogging or like myself and my blog, throw out a blog once in a blue moon.
    You and your blog…me and reading your blog and consequentially, commenting on your blog has…..I don’t want to say ignited or sparked, but more so…has added fuel to the burning fire already inside me to come back and be a consistent blogger again. You telling your story, has me feeling my story isn’t done been told. I have realized that two people can have the same journey and yet such drastically different paths and routes. If that analogy makes any sense. So…yeah that was cool of you. So big up to you and your 5 years.

    Um I staying away from comments on you and your son relationship, last time me and my assumptions was a little off mark. Glad things are…works in progress. Big up again to fatherly love. Who knows maybe next year you might get two gift cards to the Sizzler.

    How you going to start shackin’, without your momma meeting him? If you at the point of co-hosting Cum 2 You Drop parties, he could have met your momma. His momma don’t know you either, but y’all shakin’ up now…alright you do you…hmmm hmph.

    Well I tried….

    1. The Blog Artist Formerly Known As YB&DL next time I’m going to write your name out in full! You know I was talking about you. Stop fronting LOL!

      Well, I hope I inspire you to write more. I enjoy your blog immensely.

      Oh and I should have corrected myself in the blog. Van has talked to my mother on the phone and I have talked to his, several times. It’s just that they live 450 and 650 miles away so we will have to coordinate a joint visit. It will happen.

      Have a great day!

  6. worst_1_yet

    Five years??? Damn. Oh well, Fuck it. We look gooooddd. Have enjoyed your writing from the beginning and to say you have made progress in leaps and bounds is only the truth. A real pleasure to see you grow into your own skin. Well done, young man. Here’s to another great five years. Be well and take care!

  7. O the Feelsies! You and I started blogging around the same time and in this time, it’s both nostalgic and rewarding, to watch how much you’ve changed since the very first post. Real talk, when I grow up, I can only hope to be as grounded and wise as you. Oh, and should I ever happen to be in Baltimore, eagles will be spread.


    P.S. Do you have a Baltimore accent?

    1. You know I love ya Cogito! I’m grounded? Wow, I don’t see myself that way. Thanks for the compliment. I just believe in being myself. And please come and visit if you come East. Do I have a Baltimore accent. Naw, I grew up in the DC suburbs of Maryland so I don’t say “yew” for “you” or “dew” for “do” or “dug” for “dog” like some Baltimore people do! LOL

  8. Martin

    I’m still in love with your blog I just love going through the archives and watching how much you’ve grown through your journey. Keep it up

    P.S. thanks for the shout out sexy lol

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.