Prejudice or Preference?

Prejudice or Preference?

This is a photo one bottom sent Morgan and me. We turned him down because guys who do shots like this are usually hiding a lot of fat in the front.

Morgan and I are contemplating a threesome. So with his permission I put an advertisement on Craigslist a few weeks ago to test the waters.

If you live in the Washington, D.C. you may have seen our ad — “Chocolate Tops Seek Bottom.” Morgan was “light chocolate” and I was “dark chocolate.” Get it?

I expressly advertised for fit Black or Latino bottoms because frankly that is what turns us on. In fact, I believe I stated that twice in the advertisement.

Still my inbox ended up flooded with emails from hungry white bottoms and overweight Black guys. Do people even read ads before they respond?

“You are racist,” a white twink emailed when I told him he was not what we advertised for. I didn’t even argue — many white gays have an oversized sense of entitlement (Read my blog entry White Privilege).

“You are discriminatory,” one heavyweight black bottom wrote when I turned him down.

This bottom had sent a photo of his substantial hindparts. In fact he was bent over and had spread his ample, cottage-cheesy asschecks to reveal a puckered asshole that looked like it was slick with lube…or was that cum?

The same bottom sent us this second shot that proved our point. More belly than booty.

Why bottoms think photos like that are attractive I will never know. Photos like that make my dick shrivel up.

“We are not discriminating,” I wrote back. “Discrimination happens when I deny you a right or a job because I do not like your race, gender, sexuality or religion.”

“My partner and I have a preference for fit Latino or Black bottoms,” I said. “A preference is what turns you on. Different things turn different people on.”

“Why don’t you put an advertisement on Craigslist,” I continued. “There are plenty of tops who prefer heavy bottoms.”

He still didn’t give up.

“Well, y’all would enjoy my good ass,” he wrote back. “If you change your minds look me up.”

Q: Readers, was I right about preferences? Or should Morgan and I be more open to who we eventually threesome with?


  1. Brad

    While I read your post from time to time, I usually don’t respond to your blog, but on this occasion I thought I had to. Your question is whether or not I would describe the situation you presented as a preference or prejudice. I think its prejudice. I come at this from a different prospective. I’ve been out of the closet for thirty years – I was never DL. And for those of you who I’m sure just thought – yeah he’s probably so feminine he couldn’t hide it, well I’m a 6’6″ thick muscular football and basketball playing masculine black man. I just never saw being gay as something to be ashamed of so there was no need to hide it.

    Getting back to preference vs. prejudice. If you are making an exclusion of a certain class – I don’t sleep with white men, I don’t sleep with chubby men, I don’t sleep with DL men, then you are being prejudice. A preference to me is when you are attracted to a certain type of individual, but you still leave the possibility open to go outside that preference. In the late 80’s and 90’s it was white men that were very open and direct with their opinion that they would never sleep with a black man. The small black gay community that was out at that time called it prejudice. That’s why there is still such a wide divide between the black and white gay communities. I look at some profiles that black men post on sites like A4A. If a white man (or a black man for that matter) posted no blacks or Latino’s he would he harassed of the site because he was seen as prejudice, but yet we see nothing wrong with black men posting such statements about whites.

    Is it racists? That’s another story. I equate racism with violating someone’s rights because of the class that they belong to. But contrary to what some men think, No one has the right to sleep with me. I choose who I sleep with. So yes, if I say I’ll never sleep with a white man, a redhead, a DL man, feminine men or fill in the blank, I am being prejudice but not necessarily racists.

    My decision to hook-up or not hook-up with someone is based on that person. I prefer to sleep with black men. If a white man hits me up, I don’t automatically say no, just like I don’t automatically say yes to every black guy that hits me up. We talk and if there is a vibe, it may go further. If there isn’t one, the conversation ends politely. My decision to sleep with them is based on them and if need be I’ll let them know that. Just like I’m not everybody’s cup of tea, I might not be in the mood for your flavor.

    Why is it easier to tell someone that you don’t sleep with white men, chubby men, etc. then to say I’m not interested in sleeping with YOU!

    I hope this just sparks some conversation. I’d like to know what others think.

    1. robert

      I think it is all a matter of preference. There is no malice in the choice you have made. I think prejudice comes from ignorance and stereotyping of people and I do not think that is what you are doing.

  2. Amir

    How can I be prejudging if I advertise for certain physical traits that someone proves photographically they don’t possess? That’s like a flat chested woman applying to be a playboy bunny. I used to feel ashamed that I had physical preferences until a lesbian friend chided me. You like what you like. Dark chocolate, vanilla milk shakes, the color green. No apologies. I just can’t date a woman with skinny ankles, maybe I’m picky, but it’s a turn off for me.

  3. …sounds to me like you forgot to put “No Psychos” in the ad… Smh. For some reason people think they can change your mind about what you’re looking for. When they find out their superpowers are ineffective, they wanna get a ‘tude. Hell, you could’ve even put “Literacy Skills” in the ad, cuz evidently they can’t read. -_-

    (P.S. dude is SO wrong for that pic he sent ya’ll! I couldn’t stop laughing).

    Good luck though on the endeavor. With ya’ll kinky asses…


  4. dean

    Well, something can be both a prejudice and a preference. Prejudice means “prejudgement”. Preference means what is preferred.

    When it comes to being sexual, I prefer strong hair over stringly hair, full lips over thin lips, broad noses over pointy noses and dark skin over pale skin. I find those attributes to be attractive and not attractive as the case may be. Needless to say, I don’t find white men to be sexually attractive. Accordingly, I have a prejudgment that white men are not good sexual partners for me. So there is a preference and a prejudgment at the same time.

    But, that is a different question than manners. When white men hit me up online, I prefer good manners so I don’t tell them that I don’t go for white men. I simply either don’t respond or I tell them that they are not my cup of tea or I give a luke-warm responses so that they don’t inquire much further.

    However, recently a white man hit me up online. He said something like “I’m looking for a handsome black man. I’m very much attracted to black men.” Since he “went there” with his talk about race/ethnicity, he gave me a license to “go there” too. So my response to him was direct and something like this: “I’m looking for a handsome black man too. Do you know where I can find one?” He did not write me further.

    Racism is simply the belief that one race is inferior or superior to another race. I don’t believe that any race is inferior or superior to another. I simply have a preference for black features, which makes sense, since I’m black–ethnocentrism is natural. When someone prefers his own ethnic group, that’s natural and ethnocentric. When someone prefers an ethnic group other than his own, that self-hatred and likely racist!

    With respect to body types, for a man to perform sexually (to get an erection), he must be sexually excited. It doesn’t make sense for someone to engage in sexual conduct with someone if that someone is unlikely to be sexually exciting. All types of discrimination is not bad. Discrimination in employment due to race, ethnicity, sexual orientation is illegal. Discrimination in employent because you own the company and you want to hire your brother is fine.

    I want to leave you with the hope that you mind your manners. You can turn someone down without being rude or not courteous. Try it.

  5. worst_1_yet

    Fuck who you want, when you want, and fuck anyone that says you shouldn’t. I’m certainly everyone’s cup of tea, nor are they mine. If it’s not a match, it’s not a match and move the hell on. Oh, yeah, let me give this fat white/black/crippled/old bottom try. Doubt it.

  6. Me

    I think gay men use the term “preference” as cover-up to be superficial… Because truth be told to “PREFER” one thing over another means that you would 1 OVER THE OTHER…NOT DISQUALIFY THE OTHER COMPLETELY…. If you prefer strawberry ice cream over vanilla ice cream means that you would rather strawberry but doesn’t mean that you won’t eat vanilla ice cream….. Gays have misinterpreted/twisted what a “PREFERENCE” really is

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