7 Pickup Lines Guys Use on Online Hookup Sites that Turn Me Off

7 Pickup Lines Guys Use on Online Hookup Sites that Turn Me Off

Dudes can say some dumb shit when trying to pick up ass or dick online. Photo courtesy of
Dudes can say some dumb shit when trying to pick up ass or dick online. Photo courtesy of

1. “What are you into?”

What I answer when they ask this: “My profile says top! Did you read it? Tops like to fuck ass. Duh!”

2. “Come fuck this phat ass!” (Usually uttered by 5’4″, 300-pound bottoms)

What I’m thinking when they write this: “I don’t feel like climbing up on that Mt. Everest of fat. Damn!”

3. “I’m here on business and in my hotel room and bored and really horny.”

What I’m thinking when they write this: “So I’m supposed to just drop everything and run over because you are visiting Baltimore and need entertainment?”

4. “White bottom here.” (Usually written by older, out-of-shape white men)

What I’m thinking when I read this: “Like just because you are white I’m supposed to run over there and fuck you?”

5. “That’s a big dick there! Can I have it?”

What I’m thinking when I read  this: “Uhhh, that’s obvious. I said it was 9.5 inches in the profile. Can you say something more original? And just because you want a big dick doesn’t mean you are going to get mine.”

See this black guy laughing. That's how I look reading the bullshit guys post. Photo courtesy of
See this black guy laughing. That’s how I look reading the bullshit guys post. Photo courtesy of

6. “I want that dick raw.”

What I’m thinking when I read this: “Hell naw! I’m not trying to order syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia and herpes with a side order of piping hot gonorrhea.”

7. “I’m a married guy just looking for a regular fuck buddy.”

What I’m thinking when I read that: “So I’m supposed to sit around and wait for when your DL ass is free to get some dick! Keep that shit moving and go to a bathhouse.”



Q: Readers, are there pick-up lines you hate?


  1. I *hate* it when grown men hit me up saying, “Yummy!” It’s extremely common (I guess I’m very yummy??) but the only thing that would make my meat shrink and my balls retract into my torso more than “Yummy!” would be a picture of my grandma naked. Least sexy word in the world.

    1. Cool Top yes!!! I hate the term “yummy” too. Like, what the fuck do you think I am? A gummie bear? A slice of cake? A side of beef? Plus it sounds so girly coming from a dude. If a bottom hits me up using that term several impressions come to mind. This person is way fem and probably eats a lot because they are fixated on food. Next time somebody hits you up using it check out their stats or photos. I bet they are a heavyset bottom.

  2. I hate those two Damonjay. That job question almost always is a dude trying to find a boyfriend or sugar daddy. Is your neighborhood safe? If you not man enough to be aware of your surroundings you should stay home. Because crime happens everywhere.

  3. PDQ

    I’m happily married to my hubby for over 10 years and I’m way out of practice.

    Care to share any pickup lines that worked really well? Or would that that be giving tricks of the trade to the trolls that you’d never want to hook up with?

    So glad I don’t have to worry about any of this sh*t anymore!

  4. To each, his own. But I get instantly turned off when they say stuff like “No fems”, “no fats”, n’ stuff like that. Or, like, on A4A, I’ll try to start a legit convo and it only leads to “Damn, yo’ pics got me on hard”, or “When you gon’ come through and get this?”. -_- I remember one time, this dude was like “Yeah, I’m just lonely in my hotel room I need someone to keep warm”… TF? How do YOU need someone to keep warm? Smh. Online hookups are always hit-or-miss for me.


  5. Robbie

    Mine that I hate is “you got dick sucking lips” … I’m like really man that is the 1st thing that comes to mind, I know what me lips are butt you will never know how they feel wrapped around your dick.

  6. SpeakingTheTruth

    What are you suppose to say??? I hate when guys say you need to say something other than what’s up. What else is their to say when you speak to somebody for the first time. You say what’s up to see if they will speak back. And if your profile say top or bottom that’s not telling me what you get into that just says if you like dick in the butt or not. Other wise do you give or like getting oral. Do u swallow. I mean tell me what you get into damn lol. I only go on those sites if I’m out of town or want something knew. Those sites are irking especially when the guys my age and older act like the kids.

      1. SpeakingTheTruth

        Yes that is what sex consist of but that don’t mean you want to do that with me. What should I say if I’m tryna hook up on line for sex if saying what’s up is lame ??

        I’m verse but me saying I’m verse is not telling you what I get into. I might just be looking for a dick suck or to suck some dick.

        I like when somebody ask me what I’m doing cause it might lead to some type of convo or I may be beating my dick already so some back and forth smut talk could be great too. I just think people make big deals out of nothing.

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