12 Things I have Learned as a Gay Man

12 Things I have Learned as a Gay Man

Photo courtesy of Rob Out Loud.
Photo courtesy of Rob Out Loud.

Okay I’ve been in this gay world for a few years and learned some things. Let me pass my wisdom on to you:

  1. Friends are very important in the gay world so develop a good network. Your friends will be there to give you a drink of water when your family won’t.
  2. Dudes that don’t bother to clean their asses when they have sex with you are messy in other areas of their lives as well. Avoid them.
  3. Gay men lie for no reason. Yeah, it’s a drag but don’t take it personally. To survive in the straight world gays sometimes have to lie. For some it becomes a bad habit. Strive to be truthful from the get go about who you are and what you need emotionally and sexually. Because the truth ultimately comes out anyway.
  4. When you are really horny and go online to get sex you won’t find it or your hookups will be no-shows. When you are at work, or busy, or just not feeling like sex everybody and their brother will hit on you. I call this state the “Can’t Cum Conundrum.”
  5. Stop worrying about what other people think about how you look, how you dress, where you live, what you earn, or how much you don’t or do have sex. If you strive to do this life will become so much easier and less stressful.
  6. Stop obsessing over this masculine/feminine/black/white/Latino/Asian men thing. To accept others as they are means you are comfortable and in tune with yourself. Learn to make friends with gay men of all colors and persuasions. We all really do have a lot in common.
  7. People who really love you don’t care if you are gay or straight.
  8. Don’t try to keep up with the gay Joneses, drop the materialism and handle your finances. There is more to life than making every pride event or vacationing every year at the gay spots in Ft. Lauderdale and the Dominican Republic or wearing the latest swag.
  9. You attract what you put out. So if all the guys you date are turning out to be assholes take a break and figure out why. Is it because you stink too? And therapy  is always good.
  10. Sexual roles don’t mean shit. Sometimes I have had way more fun playing with other tops than bottoms.
  11. God loves LGBT folks too! Don’t let being gay keep you from developing a relationship with a higher power. Try meditation for instance. Many faiths are also accepting and there many predominately LGBT congregations. Do not patronize or give your money to congregations that preach hate and intolerance.
  12. You don’t have to only patronize gay clubs and bars but support gay causes. Will it hurt you to give $20 to the Human Rights Campaign once a year?







  1. Wise words indeed! @ #11, I abso-damn-lutely agree. If every gay knew that God isn’t nearly as hateful as His so-called followers, the church would be a better place. It breaks my heart to think of the…fulfillment I have in God, that some of our community will never know. Hell, I even know straights that look down on the church for not accepting homosexuality…


    1. Thanks Cogito. I attend a welcoming Presbyterian congregation. A few weeks ago we got a message that went something like this: If God made everything on Earth, all colors and hair types and sexualities what right do we have to hate a creation of God who is infinitely wiser and more good than us? That really made me think. Now when I’m on the train or bus I look around and notice people and think, “No matter how odd this person looks or how crazy they may appear to me they are a unique creation of God and God loves them. So I have no right to judge or look down on them.” That is a mindset you have to practice because it’s so easy to judge others.

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