Immanuel’s Sex Party Etiquette 1.0

Immanuel’s Sex Party Etiquette 1.0

I’ve been to more than my share of sex parties. Free sex is one of the benefits — and banes — of being gay.

Some of the parties are off the chain and others are deader than a fly on a windshield.

Here are my tips for getting the most out the experience:

Wash Your Ass: Take a very thorough bath or shower before going and pay special attention to your privates, particularly your ass and testicles. A funky ass or musty balls are a real turnoff. If you shave your privates I recommend doing so a day before the party to avoid nicks and cuts that could allow bacteria or viruses to enter.

Fight the Ash: I usually shower before a party and slather down with baby oil while my body is still damp. This moisturizes my skin. And by the time you get to the party the scent of the baby oil has dissipated but still leaves a nice aroma.

Don’t Go too Early: Arrive at the sex party at least an hour or even two hours after it starts. Believe me, there is a lot of looking around and posturing early on at parties. The action and the crowds really do not get going until a few hours after the festivities commence and inhibitions have dropped.

Pack Your Gear: I always take my own condoms and lube. Many parties provide such “favors” but you can never be sure. Also take a wash cloth or towel so you can stay fresh throughout the evening.

Be Polite: Okay, not everybody at a sex party will be your flavor. You are not obligated to sex anyone you do not want to., But be polite — never ignore someone or push them away. Just say “I’m not feeling like sex right now” or “I’m taking a break” to turn someone down. If a person grabs you, politely but firmly guide their hands away. For instance, I was once giving a young, brown-skinned bottom some good foreplay at a party, nibbling his neck, earlobes and licking his nipples, when a dude walked up behind me and started playing with my ass. I knew where it was leading — he was going to try to insert the dick next. I turned around and moved his hands away from my ass, smiled, and said quietly, “No thank you brotha.” He got the message and stopped.

Circulate: Don’t get tied down with one sex partner. Share the wealth. Play around. That is what the party is all about. If you are really feeling a particular person meet them in a quiet corner and exchange phone numbers. Or if you want them to yourself arrange to leave and meet privately. However, for safety’s sake let your friends know where you are going and who you are leaving with. You don’t want to end up a missing person with your face on a milk carton.

Don’t be a Stalker: Okay, so you tried to push up on a fella and he just isn’t feeling you. Let it go and move on. Don’t be a nuisance. It’s a big sexual turnoff. For instance, there is this nice but irritating Ethiopian guy I see at some local parties who is enamored with me. He will turn up at the same parties and follow me around, sucking my dick a bit here, feeling my thigh there. “I want you to fuck me like I saw you fuck that young boy,” he will whisper in my ear in a thick, Amharic-accented English I can barely understand. “But I don’t want you to fuck me here. I want to get a hotel room and meet you.” See above rule “Be Polite.” I use it on him a lot and it works.

Realize You are Part of the Show: A sex party is a public event so you will be watched and will watch others. If you feel uncomfortable having people watch how you get down, leave parties alone and stick to having one-on-one partners.

Be Open to New Possibilities: Okay not everybody is a top physical specimen at parties but don’t count out guys who don’t meet the gay body perfect ideal. You may be surprised to discover guys who are not the hottest throw the best sex and the Adonis with the six-pack abs is a dead fuck.

Have a sense of humor but don’t laugh at folks: You may see some funny sights at sex parties — the guy who makes a funny face while getting his dick sucked or the bottom who moans like a fire engine siren when he is getting banged. Just smile and try not to laugh out loud. Just coming to a sex party and pulling off your clothes in front of strangers is a major move for most folks.  So go easy on them.

Network: Don’t be afraid to strike up a conversation with folks, network and exchange numbers. Times are tight economically so use all you’ve got. I have helped friends land job interviews by following up when I hear guys at sex parties say they have openings at their companies. That is because you would be surprised at the caliber of guys who go to these parts — you will find doctors, lawyers and candlestick makers.

Be Somewhat Discrete: Some of my friends use fake names at parties. Others are shy about giving up too much personal information. This is all well and good. But if you are worried about your public image or whether you will run into these folks in real life you should not go to parties in the first place. Because believe me you will run into people you know (I bumped into two high school classmates — no lie!)

Make Friends: Don’t go to sex parties looking for love but do go looking for friends. I have met some of my best platonic friends at sex parties. It’s easier to connect with a person when you first meet them buck naked. I think nudists are right — people can be more free and open with their clothes off.

Readers if you have more tips I want to read them. Leave a comment!


  1. Once the clothes are off, there's nothing to hide and designer labels aren't apparent. That's the great equalizer. And you're absolutely right, when you're naked, everyone is more honest and free. Plus, once you've fucked someone, being friends is easier. None of the sexual tension remains.

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