My Dating Tips (Please Leave Your Suggestions!)

My Dating Tips (Please Leave Your Suggestions!)

Okay, I’ve been dating dudes for a few months now. It’s been very trial and error. It’s funny but 25 years ago I dated women and now it’s men.

Men are different animals but some of the same rules for dating women apply. Here are my tips for dating successfully in this brave, new gayworld I’m in.


 And readers, please share your own suggestions with me because I realize I’m still a babe in the woods:


  • Try to do a fun activity together — like bowling, a sporting event or a concert. Observe how the brother acts in public. Is he courteous to waiters and other folks. Is he friendly or uptight to be with in public? Or is he really not your style? If you feel uncomfortable in public with a man you have a romantic interest in I would advise not pursuing the relationship. 
  •  I know this is a surprise coming from me but don’t try to jump in the bed on the first date. Take it easy and get to know the person. 
  • Don’t overdo it. When you first start dating it’s enough to see each other once a week. I’m not saying don’t call or text but try not to wear them out. Let things develop slowly. I think my problem a few months ago when I first jumped into the gay world is that I was seeking intimacy too fast. If I had slowed down and let my brains and not my hard dick to do the talking I would have never bothered with some folks because SURPRISE — there are some crazies around.
  •  Don’t be afraid to take risks and do things you wouldn’t normally do. The Jewish guy I see sometimes is into Gospel music which frankly I don’t like that much. He invited me to a gospel concert and at first I was reluctant but I went and had a nice time. And I could tell he was glad I was there to share the experience with him.
  • If you’re always planning outings and the other person is not reciprocating they are probably not that into you. Save yourself some pain and let them go.
  • If a person is only trying to get with you to get sex really examine this budding relationship. If that is what you want cool — hey I like great sex just like the next guy. But if you desire something deeper, it is better to let the relationship go or you will end up feeling used and your self-confidence hurt. I’m seeing a guy like that now — we will meet once a week and do that thing. But I limit our meetings to when it is convenient for me. Things may develop down the line but right now it’s mostly about sex. It is what it is.
  • Share date expenses or let one person pay one time and then reciprocate the next time. In other words, don’t be a moocher.
  • If you are dating several people at the same time don’t be a player and be honest. That way no one’s expectations get raised. Studies have shown gay men tend to have more polyamorous or dating several men at one time. This can actually be fun arrangement because you can explore different men and figure out what you like. However, don’t make a guy think he is your one and only and he is not.
  • Okay, so you and your date like to play sexually together and with others. That can be tricky. You need to set down some rules of engagement. You gets to fuck whom, you kisses whom etc. This type of arrangement takes a self-confident person, one who is sure enough about their date to know after play time is over you will still want to deal solely with each other.


  1. PDQ

    Don't look for your twin. Look for someone who brings things to the relationship that you don't. It'll open up your eyes to things you know nothing about and vice versa. It also insures that you aren't competing (or overly critical) of each other – for example if you're both passionate about cooking, but only passionate about your own favorite foods, you'll be in conflict over how to cook, recipes, etc.

    Stay away from bringing in outsiders to your new relationship once it becomes serious. If you aren't into each other enough to focus on each other exclusively, you aren't serious.

    Don't focus on finding your “ideal man”. You may meet your “ideal” guy someday and find out he's vapid, self-absorbed and when he opens his mouth his peals all fall out on the floor! Meanwhile you've been passing up all kinds of wonderful men because they weren't “ideal”. Expand your horizons beyond “ideal”.

  2. Anonymous

    As you get to know one another be sure you're “equally yoked” spiritually, emotionally and social economically. All 3 will surface quickly. If you find you're unequal move on with a quickness.

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