“T” Stands for Terrible Tops

“T” Stands for Terrible Tops

Okay, yesterday I wrote about bad bottoms. That post quickly generated a few comments and caught the attention of fellow blogger “Raw Daddy” in Atlanta, who reposted my entry on his Web site.

Raw Daddy and I texted about the issue yesterday and we agreed there are some bad tops around too. So fair being fair, I have to write something about that issue. Want to read it? Here we go.

Just like bottoms who are fixated on getting something long and hard up their asses, there are tops who are obsessed with encasing their dicks in a warm, tight ass as quickly as possible. But often these tops neglect the finer art of lovemaking. It’s all about bang-bang-bang, pop that nutt, and get up and go.

I’ve already written about my married acquaintance “Brandon,” the ultra down-low brother who is paranoid he will be peeped out. He is one of the worst tops I know. He is so wrapped up in maintaining a masculine, dominant vibe he will not kiss, much less caress, his partner.

He treats bottoms as if they are a mere receptacle, a hot hole in which to plant his small, curved dick. When he fucks it looks so mechanical and monotonous. Fast, short quick thrusts that never vary in intensity or length. Just bang-bang-bang. He doesn’t even look at his partner. Yawn….

Not surprisingly, he does not get asked back often. “Hey Immanuel, you can come back any time,” a hot Puerto Rican bottom whispered to me after we did a threesome with Brandon. “But please don’t ask back your friend. Plus he looks like a little troll.”

Ouch, bottoms can say some nasty stuff when the sex ain’t right.

So fellow tops, here are some tips to please a bottom and get invited back for more:

  • You got to learn how to eat ass. I‘ll repeat and speak louder so you get it. YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO EAT THAT BOOTY! And when you eat ass lick and lap and nibble the whole area — the balls and the ridge between the testicles and asshole. If you don’t like the taste of ass there are flavored lubes. Or whipped cream. Or jelly. Or peanut butter. Whatever turns you on! At this moment I would also like to thank my mentor “Andre,“ who taught me the fine art of ass eating. Andre is a master. If you want lessons let me know and I’ll put you in touch with him.
  • Focus on other erogenous zones before you attack that ass with da dick. I look to nibble the front and inside of a guys thighs, lick the back of their thighs, and even suck and kiss toes, provided their feet are not jacked up. Other sexy zones that spur arousal are a guy’s neck and shoulders and nipples. Shit, just about any place on a man can be sexy! Ask your partner what turns him on and get to work.
  • Massage is good and you don’t have to be professional to do it well. Just pull out a bottle of thick lotion (I love cocoa butter lotions) and start off gently at the neck and shoulders and work your way down. Be sure to ask your partner how they prefer their back rubs– hard or soft. Follow their lead!

Okay bottoms out there. Do you have any love-making suggestions for tops?





































  1. It's about the bottom receiving the top–not the other way around. Be mindful that while sex is supposed to be mutually beneficial, it doesn't mean that one gets to “benefit” before the other. To the Top, I say: “Find pleasure in pleasing them”. To the Bottom, I say: “Find pleasure in pleasing them while the please you”. That way, its a win-win, and nobody leaves feeling dis-serviced.

    Like I always say, “if the body is one big instrument, Sex should be an Orchestra–make music”. <3 But you can't make "music" unless all instruments are in harmony; this comes with practice. Know what instruments you're playing with and what notes they make (by the by, this is all one big allegory for sex).

    Does anybody hear me out there???

  2. Anonymous

    As a bottom I will slavishly service you. I will suck, lick and nibble your erogenous zones. I will revel in the scent and taste of you in your pits, your ass, your crotch and even your feet (if they're not jacked up).

    I will offer myself to you for your use and your pleasure, but please remember that pleasure is a two way street. I can be ridden hard and I have stamina so I can pleasure you for a long time. But I have needs too. My pleasure center is largely in my ass – the same ass that's milking your cock so pleasurably. I don't need you to feast on my ass before you fuck me, but a little oral action back there would be nice.

    When you fuck me, switch things up periodically. I'll assume any position you wish me to, although doggy is my favorite. Please also change the tempo when you're grinding and churning my hole. By doing so we'll both get maximum satisfaction.

    I'll urge you on, backing my ass onto you or pulling you deeper into me. I'll pull on your nuts if it turns you on. I'll wrap my legs around your torso and I'll run my hands over your body, tweaking your nipples. You'll note that my toes are flexing like crazy, my head swings from side to side and my breathing gets more ragged as you get me closer to cumming. And no matter how close I am, I'll hold off on cumming until I can cum with you. So please don't be the “pump and dump” type. You've got the use of a finely tuned instrument of pleasure – why would you want to end things so quickly when you can make it pleasurable for both of us?

    One last thing: I'm sorry, but if you don't have the length to keep it in me then I'm not interested. When you slip out and try to jab it back in me it hurts. It's more 'acupuncture' than it is sex. I didn't invite you over to repeatedly jab me – I invited you over to fuck me.

    1. Willis weeks

      If your bottom has a small penis as u penetrate him tell him how pathetic his penis is and how us ass is a pussy gets me off all the time by small cocked bottom I would have to agree. Plus I have a small Dick why do I want a small one up my pussy. That’s exactly the reason I am bitch boy and Im proudly used by alphas the way nature intended.

  3. Anonymous

    Hello Immanuel and all you guys. I'm a chick. A v. straight chick who has been enjoying reading this blog. I admit…I've actually learned a few tricks I intend to try on my (I hope) straight lovers. Yes, lovers, plural. I can't seem to find one man with everything I need…yet…but who knows…maybe someday. I admit to having an “ick” factor in licking a mans ass…but maybe with some plastic wrap or something…I want our sex to be fun and new, as often as possible.
    Question….are gay men with huge, thick wonderful dicks as much jerks as straight ones? I can't seem to find a straight man with a big thick dick who knows how to be honest in his sluttery…it boggles the mind as I'm not a monogamy demanding woman….just an honesty demanding woman!
    In any case, I wish you all great sex! Kisses….

  4. Willis weeks

    If your bottom has a small penis as u penetrate him tell him how pathetic his penis is and how us ass is a pussy gets me off all the time by small cocked bottom

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