When I was a little kid there was a teenager in our black middle class neighborhood named “Butchie.”
There was something strange about him. It’s like he didn’t walk around — it was more like he oozed like oil. He was always on the perimeter of the playground, or the kickball game or the basketball court. Stealthy and sly and watching.
You never tried to be alone with Butchie because he liked to play funny games. Like humping on you. Or grabbing your dick and squeezing. Or begging you to play with his. I can still hear his voice.
“Please, just rub my dick a little bit,” he would say. His voice was so pleading, and whining and pitiful that sometimes I would give in and let him rub up against me or play with my still small, 7-year-old “peter,” which to my amazement would get stiff, making a small tent in the front of my Toughskins jeans.
“Okay, Butchie stop. Someone is coming,” I would say after a minute. Then I would emerge from the bushes and go play kickball and act like I didn’t know Butchie. Believe me I was not the only one. I notice him “playing” with my other friends too.
Butchie fit the pattern of a molester but did that early interaction plant the seed to make me desire men now? Because I hear stories of abuse from gay men all too often.
“My uncle used to fuck around with me when I was a kid. I was sucking his dick when I was 11.”
“My older cousin got me started. He used to play with my dick. I got to like that shit. We had a ‘relationship for years.'”
“I got molested by two of my uncles. One on my mother’s side and one on my father’s side.”
Studies indicate gays and lesbians are more likely to be molestation victims. Forty six percent of gay men and 22 percent of lesbians reported same-sex molestation in childhood, according to a 2001 Archives of Sexual Behavior Study. That compares to just seven percent of heterosexual men and just one percent of heterosexual women, the study said,
Right-wing and some religious groups have used such data to claim molestation can make a child gay and that gays are more likely to molest children. But other studies say this is not true. According to the American Psychiatric Association:
“No specific psychosocial or family dynamic cause for homosexuality has been identified, including histories of childhood sexual abuse.Sexual abuse does not appear to be more prevalent in children who grow up to identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, than in children who identify as heterosexual.”
However, being abused by a person of the same sex can cause the victim to be confused about their sexuality, according the National Organization on Male Sexual Victimization (NOMSV). However, that group said it is unlikely someone can make another person gay by molesting them as a child.
That is because most studies say genetics and environment before the age of five likely determines whether a child will grow up to be gay or lesbian. In fact, even gay people who have been molested say there were attracted to the same sex at an early age.
My family moved away from the neighborhood where Butchie lived. But one day when I was about 13 years old I was going to visit a friend and saw him walking into a nearby apartment building with his friends. He was a grown man but still lean and gangly with that sneaky look to his face.
“Hey Butchie, how are you,” I said hesitantly.
“Hey, how are you doing,” Butchie answered. He looked genuinely glad to see me but kept his head down, like he didn’t want to look me in the eye.
Before we could talk further his friend turned and said abruptly. “Look man, hurry up. I don’t have all day.”
“I’m just trying to talk to an old buddy.”
“Look nigga, come on. I’m tired of fucking around with you.”
So Butchie said goodbye and followed him like a dog with his tail between his legs.
(Picture of convicted child molester David Allen Andrews courtesy of “America’s Most Wanted.”)
Q: Were you molested as a child? Do you think it made you gay or lesbian?