How It Got Started

How It Got Started

Okay, you want to know how it began. This down-low habit.
Go back about three and one-half years. I was approaching middle age, parents and close family members were either dying or facing serious illnesses, my high-pressure job was getting funky, and my marriage was beyond stale. I was bored.
So how do I cure those problems? Like a drug addict I went for sex.
One evening after work I went to a adult bookstore to look at some porn before going home. Just a little escapism. I knew what went on with dudes in these places, I wasn’t naive. But I never participated and didn’t plan to.
But I had an especially shitty day at work — so I was feeling like I didn’t give a damn. This black guy peered through the “gloryhole” in my video booth and saw my straining erection. I usually ignored such advances.
But he said something softly. I strained to listen.
“What man,” I asked, irritated. “Look I don’t get down like that.”
“I can help you out with that,” he answered, his eyes staring at my crotch like twin laser beams. “Come over to my booth.”
I thought a minute. Then the inhibitions and restraint I had grown up with and lived by suddenly shattered, just like a dish slipping out of my hand and crashing to the floor.
I left my booth and walked over to his. The dude didn’t look gay at all. He had a slight build and was a brown-skinned, neither dark nor light. In fact, he looked and dressed like an ordinary, geeky office worker. Khaki pants. Conservative dress shirt. Comfortable, orthopedic-looking brown leather shoes.
But I soon found out he was a first-class freak. He unzipped my fly, pulled out my dick and masturbated me with both hands. The feeling was intense. He masturbated me better than I could do myself.
It wasn’t long before I blew. I was even surprised it happened so fast.
“If you want that again, call me up man,” he said, smiling.
I looked at him. For some reason he looked so normal. Like a person I could trust.
“Look, I don’t have a piece of paper,” I said.
“It’s easy to memorize,” the man answered. Then he leaned over and whispered the number in my ear. He made me repeat it until I got it.
I didn’t think about the encounter for more than a week. Then I had another crappy, pressure-cooker day at work. And I called him, picked him up at his office and went to his place, where he gave me another spectacular handjob.
And that’s how I got started on the down-low trail. It was a slippery slope after that.


  1. I guess I was curious but never acted on it.The attraction really was not that strong. But the way that guy gave me head was too good.Plus I found sex with men was quick, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am with usually no emotional attachments.Over time I got popular in the DL world for my penis size and sexual stamina, so that got to be a turn-on. Think of me as being a reverse Clark Kent/Superman.

  2. Anonymous

    interesting blog man. im slightly bi – only interested in mutual j/o. before you start, yes, this has been tested numerous times and i'm very comfortable with limiting my activity to that – the rest i've found to be a turn-off both physically and for fear of the obvious public health risks. i started several years ago online and peaked a few years ago when i realized that finding cool attractive professional brothas into women but who love to masturbate with another brother but nothing else was like a needle in a haystack.

    i would never go into a sex shop or gay bar – have no desire to do so. i've had some amazing hook-ups over the years and have made a good friend or two. you seem to be a fairly conventional down-low brother. ideally i'd like to find some brothas who are only into mutual j/o and have the same to lose as me (marriage/career). since i haven't i am “inactive.” that's a good thing, but the itch remains.

    would love to hear your thoughts.

  3. Anonymous, straight off the bat there is nothing unusual about your sexual desire.

    Maybe you get off on seeing an erect penis and imagining what that could do with a woman. Or maybe one of your earliest sexual experiences was masturbating with buddies, so that is a continued turn-on for you.

    It really doesn't matter. It is what it is. As long as you are not abusing others and are playing safe do your thing.

    I have some suggestions for you. There are jack-off clubs where men get together to…well jack-off. Look for a local one online. If there is not one in your area why not create it? You can place an ad on Craig's List and perhaps get a hotel room for the afternoon or during Happy Hour time after work. If you do so I would strongly suggest meeting some of the participants beforehand in a nonsexual environment (coffee shop, library) and interviewing them. You don't want crazy folks in your life.

    Also, you say you don't go to sex parties but if I was you I would consider it. At the married men's parties I go to there are a wide range of things going on. Some guys come to masturbate only and that is what they do. Since it is a professional, black male group everybody is polite and respects each other's boundaries.You can always say no.

    Just some suggestions.

    And I sincerely appreciate your reading my blog. One of the primary reasons I did it was to help other black men going through what I am. To let you know you are far from alone.

  4. Anonymous

    thanks man for the response. over the years its been made clear that i'm not alone, and i've met and befriended brothas who have desires that make it very hard for them to maintain a relationship with their woman and feed their desire – not unlike what you appear to be struggling with. its a fantasy of mine to go to a j/o party with some other professional, attractive, in shape (prefer muscular like me), hung discreet married brothas, but i guess i'm suspicious of the ability of something like that to stay private. i fear something will get out, and given that i'm a pretty public person and that i have professional ambitions that are inherently public, it would eventually get out. basically, i don't want it enough to take that chance. i have found brothas on cl while traveling and met up just for a stroke session. at best this has been incredibly hot and successful. at worst a miserable embarrasment that makes me regret ever pursuing such. its a crap shoot. what i often find is that brothas want more, and assume that i can't JUST want to j/o. that is annoying because it destroys the vibe. anyway, i'd love to keep talking about this and share some stories with you as, you are right, i don't have many to share this with and appreciate the outlet. holla if you get a chance.

  5. Thanks for the response. Yes, you are in a tight spot considering your profession.It would be great if you can advertise and get a regular partner to j/o only with. I would suggest an escort as well…just pay for what you want.

    I wish I could post my email here so you could contact me directly in private. One day I will figure it out.

    Take care and keep in touch

  6. Anonymous

    …yeah, it would be good to talk. i enjoy talking about these things and, as is clear, you do too. i'm not to keen on putting my email on here either, so let me know your thoughts on how to take this offline. again, thanks for the responses…lets talk soon

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